He said you can tell a lot about a man by the way he plays basketball. What he didn’t know was that I already knew that, and I hated the way he played.
It was all in front of me, but I was in too deep. The only way out is, if he cheats.
I made a decision that threw my life in a direction I didn’t see coming. But we never see it coming, do we? That’s the part of life we need the humility to accept. We know nothing.
What I know now is that I experimented with love. I took a course of action tentatively adopted without being sure of the outcome.
Once the experiment concluded, I was confused and left without conclusion. I didn’t cry all 300 miles home. There wasn’t a love song my car DJ/ brother played that made me feel. The 101, the 5 the 210, none of them saw my tears.
I unpacked and settled into my new reality. But I still wanted to experiment, I had created comfort in all the testing and examining, it felt like home. And I believed that if I just waited it out, my results would come. The moment in the experiment where the guy shows up, apologizes and gets his girl back by any means necessary.
But, you never showed. With every car engine I heard on the cul de sac, my heart dropped. I kept the window open so I wouldn’t miss my moment. So I would get my results. And you never showed.
I talked to James, Jack and Jim and then called you. You were on the couch and said you’re not coming. I was unlovable. Emotionally obliterated, me and my whiskey friends ensured that we scrap the experiment for good.
Three years later, I conclude my experiment with one quote. No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher. - Florence Scovel Shinn
Wish you all the best.
With love,
Courtney
