In honor of Black History Month, I'd love to honor the environment in which I was raised. Thank you Mom and Dad for providing a safe space to sleep at night. With that being said I'm sharing a brief story of being judged by my community because what you don't own, owns you.
I got made fun of and was called whitewashed by Black people. My people. What’s interesting is that within the black community some of our culturally beloved entertainment like The Cosby Show, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and A Different World, the majority of those people, the characters, talked like me.
Do you call them whitewash too? Or do they get a pass because it’s one of your favorite TV shows? Oprah talks like me. Are we calling her whitewash too?
I remember going to my friend Jeremy‘s house in South Central, Los Angeles. Jeremy and I were college friends. While I visiting, Jeremy‘s brother and his friends came into the house and they began making jokes and snickering about me.
I could tell. You know when someone is making fun of you. Against my better judgment, as I was leaving, I said bye to Jeremy‘s brother and his friends. Jeremy‘s brother responded by putting his hand in the air and saying, “Bye, stay black” and they all laughed (except for Jeremy).
I imagine that if I wasn’t already carrying around the shame from the way I speak, I would have replied to Jeremy‘s brother and said something like, “You’re staying black enough for the both of us.”
For Jeremy’s brother, I’m whitewashed because of the way I speak. I speak clearly. The words I read, I pronounce them properly. It was the way I was taught. That was out of my control. Just like you, Jeremy‘s brother.
I could’ve easily made fun of Jeremy‘s brother for the way that he talks because his ghetto dialect is something widely mocked.
When I’m called whitewashed, is my authenticity in question? Is there a Black measuring stick that indicates how black I am and if I’m truly black? And to whose standards?
What does that mean, whitewash? Does it mean that I’ve been around white people so much that I’ve washed into them? Are you saying that I’ve morphed into a European American? I assure you I’m not reaping any of those benefits. Does it mean I have been around so many white people that I have taken over their persona, mannerisms, thinking, and speech? Does that even make sense?
Would it make you feel more comfortable, Jeremy‘s brother, if I turned on a black-scent? You know, change the way I speak, take over the "black" persona, mannerisms, and dare I say thinking? Would you like me to live an inauthentic double life to make you feel comfortable around me?
I’d love to live in a world without miserable people. Imagine that. A world free of judgment and full of joy.
One of my greatest lessons is meeting people where they are, and knowing and understanding that I am not responsible for your thoughts of me.
We make fun of people who aren’t like us. I’m guilty of this too. That’s why I can have acceptance for Jeremy‘s brother and self-compassion for myself because we don't know what we don't know.
Your programming will not interfere with my progress toward loving myself.
Black for life. Don't have a choice. I do this every day.
-Courtney California